Many times had my fragile heart been broken but it still amazes me how I was able to see the rainbow after the rain (or storm?). Indeed, undergoing that stage is one of the things I wished to deflect for the rest of my life but it is a process we cannot avoid if the feeling isn't meant to be.
They said first love never dies, true for my case. My first love was a young love, up until now we remained good friends. The romantic love that we felt turned into an unbreakable friendship. I can say that I consider him still one of my best guy friends until now. The second and third time I fell hard for someone did not turn out to be that good. We are just casual to each other, but good thing is we don't hate each other.
Now I am dealing with the latest. After 6 years I had given my heart the chance to believe in love again and to trust someone to take good care of it. It was all in a blur as I recall. It might had happened too fast but never did I regret that I shared a few moments of happiness with him. I underwent a lot of doubts, questions for the past days because I had been caught off guard. I knew there was something wrong but never did I imagine it would end all at once. I just wished it had ended on a more formal one where we could talk face to face, after all we had been friends since a long time ago before we entered the relationship, so I think I deserve better.
I had been in shock then denied that it was happening. I underwent Isolation for a while. The worst part is me being angry and mad at him. I might have saw all the negative things in our relationship already, and made me think there's no need to bargain anymore. So yeah, depression followed. I was down, thought of the moments we were together and what went wrong. Maybe the one month relationship is also proportional to the phase of the break-up stages I am experiencing, too fast..
BUT it is also possible that I just cannot keep grudges, I had forgiven myself. Regretting will never help. I had to accept that things happen for a reason. This all happened for me to learn something. Maybe I should had guarded my heart more, or this is just to show me again that it is alright to love and be hurt again.
I always find comfort in my family, relatives and close friends. They were the ones who kept enlightening me that life doesn't stop because I was hurt. Ultimately, I surrender my faith to God, I know he understands me most and will not give me any obstacles I cannot surpass. I have to be brave. I have to forgive. I have to let go.
Truly it is only ourselves who can only say if we are ready again. No one can dictate or pressure you when you are ready to forgive and move on.
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